A Transformative Month

31 March 2019

My daughter passed away early this month.

A dear friend remarked “the lion ate the lamb and then stayed.” For me, the lion ate my lamb and then stayed. Every winter that lion tried to get her. She was so close again this year.

Grief is a unique and deeply personal experience. I have been writing in a journal and will share as I transcribe my horrible handwriting. I will lurch forward and back; I expect this will, too.

The ending of a long term relationship, too. Some are not destined to “be friends” and I think many of us don’t own up to that from the start. I’ve been working on an essay about that, too.

I started this site at the beginning of 2019. I wanted to get some content in place before publishing. WordPress has a learning cliff. The plan was to launch on March 22; my 57th birthday. Seventeen years prior, I had filed for divorce on that day.

I just was past two book fairs on opposite coasts in six weeks. The damage repair from the polar vortex leak at the shop was in the home stretch. We had “softly” opened. Things got busy with my side gig.

Clair landed in the hospital on the last day of February. It was her dad’s birthday.

Clair died on March 4. Arranging the cremation was oddly simple. Because she lived in a CILA home, her room had to be cleared out quickly. The only footprint left is a small box of keepsakes in my closet. My long-term boss and friend had surgery the following week. There was a celebration for Clair on the 16th. Many said it was the best memorial they had ever attended. She deserved it. I sent my guests home on Monday and Tuesday.

Last night, I ended a long term relationship. The labels have shifted over the years. Clearly “friend” would have a contentious boundary that would have to be constantly enforced. Boundaries are foundations and without them, there’s no reason trying to build anything, anymore.

So, here I am. The weight of  the emotional responsibility I have been carrying gets less every day. It is both light and heavy.

I plan to share things here, going forward-writings and photos, mostly. I’ll be luring you all here with posts on Facebook of course. I endeavor to use it at least as much as it uses me now.

The post below about leaving Facebook was supposed to be the opener on March 22.